The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - November 29, 2002
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Ok, this is a combined Beforehands and Afterwards mailing.  For those of you that do not know by now, Jeff The Radio Guy was killed last week on The Metallic Onslaught.  It just got out of hand as they beat him down near the end of the show.  Also, for those of you that don't know, Jeff was a clone. Go to his section on the webpage for a full explaination.  Anyway, we're working on a replacement of some sort, especially since Hollywood Bri Bri showed up this week as Zoltan's special guest.  He went to avenge the avenger for things that happened a few months ago involving Friend, Vern, Zoltan and his wife.  It didn't go so well as Arthur (returning after a 2 week absense in which he claims he was merely stuck in traffic the whole
time) in trying to get out of the path of rage that Bri Bri was pursuing, actually got in the way and blocked Zoltan from the attack.  He thus, although accidentally, PROTECTED Zoltan.  He was pissed.  So much so that he left.  Shoebox showed up however, and Friend, and even The Great Sequioa
showed up for a short bit.  It was strange and chaotic.  This week, Bri Bri should be back, and aside from that, I don't know what will happen...

We also determined that Zoltan has some kind of preoccupation.  It's either a girlfriend, boyfriend, or perhaps a car or I-Mac that he adores in some
unnatural way (see one of the below stories for why we believe the last two may be involved...)
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught: Afterwards- December 2, 2002
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That was an odd weekend.  First, I made a rare appearance on The Metallic
Onslaught and I brought with me a closet-full of Jeffie's.  Hollywood Bri
Bri helped me create a bunch of them.  I don't remember how many there were
off-hand.  8 or 9 I believe.  Unfortunately, they are all dead now, too.
They were nowhere near as durable as the original.  Between Joe, Rick,
Shoebox, and Lance, they killed all the Jeff's.  A couple of them died all
on their own through stupidity.  It was kinda sad.  However, for some
reason, Shoebox took it upon himself to antagonize me, which resulted in him
getting beaten as well.  It was strange.  And then, he also brought a 'new'
Worm Quartet song called J.R.O.  It stood for Joe's Really Old.  This
inspired Joe to slap Shoebox around a bit later on in the show as well.  It
may have been the most Chaotic Metallic Onslaught ever...

The Last Exit wasn't quite as chaos filled, but it had it's share as well.
Initially it was just Bri Bri and Arthur.  Friend showed up and Friended Bri
Bri who got upset and left.  Before doing so, however, he did promise to
help me build a new and better Jeffie for The Metallic Onslaught this coming
week.  Then it got stranger.  After Friend left in a bad state, already
missing Bri Bri, Arthur attempted to leave but was prevented from doing so
by The Apocalypse Box, which opened itself.  We hadn't opened it last week,
and it was again upset with us.  A few things came from it.  One was a
declaration that we are now not allowed to have a We Love Satan show as
punishment for not opening the box.  I have no idea how Satan will react to
this.  He was kinda looking forward to it.  Then, there were two pictures.
Yup, they were of Zoltan, and they solved a mystery we would rather have
left untouched.  They were pictures of him and his I-Mac, and another of him
and his Car, well, at least the tailpipe of the car.  We were speculating
after the story last week if he maybe was in a relationship with someone or
something, and I guess it is indeed the latter.  His distracted mindset is,
well, nevermind.  I kinda wish I never saw those pictures.  Arthur felt the
same way.  Vowed to leave again.  A while later, he was still there.  He
didn't know why, he apparently thought he DID leave.  He was a bit loopy,
really.  I don't know if it was the pictures or the Box, but something had a
bad effect on him.  Very strange it was...
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 7, 2002
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Anyway, I think the new Jeffie that premiered tonight on The Metallic
Onslaught was an definite improvement over version 1.  He's tougher,
smarter, and almost clever.  He got beaten, sure, but he didn't bleed, no
matter how hard they tried, and got right back up and on top of things.  He
tried to fight back a couple of times, but that sorta failed.  I downloaded
into his brain all of what has happened in the past to the other Jeffie's as
well as giving him some survival advice.  He took some of that advice and
tried to 'Friend' Joe.  It was strange, and mostly effective.  It was a
strange night.
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 14, 2002
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This week on The Last Exit, we should have a sort of special guest.  It's
someone that was on recently, and well, I don't know that they're going to
be all that happy with some of the stuff that's happened over the last few
weeks.  Speaking of which, we didn't open The Apocalypse Box last week.  We
didn't forget it this time.  I have taken it apart.  I'm trying to 'rewire'
it, although it has what feels like veins instead of wires, to do something
far more interesting...
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught: Afterwards - December 17, 2002
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Ok, so our special guest didn't show.  Don't know what was up.  Arthur was
there and was in a more stable state of mind, I think.  Last week he
confused his home and the station, this week he knew what was what, but then
he started insisting there were animals downstairs and was afraid to go down
there.  It was strange.  Anyways...
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 20, 2002
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Firstly and most importantly - The Metallic Onslaught WILL NOT air tonight.
This is a rare occurance, but it is being pre-empted by the Winter Solstice
Concert on WEOS, and that won't be over till fairly late.  We decided that
since this is the case, there will be no show this week.  Of course, The
Last Exit for the Lost WILL be on, as always.  And this week is a very
special week.  This Saturday is the 10 Year Pre-Anniversary of the official
end of the world.  That's right.  The Mayan Calendar (likely derived from an
older and more advanced civilization) ends on December 21, 2012.  It is said
to be the end of the world.  The calendar is actually MORE accurate than our
current ones, and until recently, we couldn't even calculate with the type
of accuracy that the Mayan calendar displays.  So maybe they know something
we don't.  I guess we will see.  In ten years.  It is also said that by some
calculations, the Kali Yuga, the current age in which we live, ends in 2013,
and Terrance McKenna's Timescape Zero reaches infinite novelty in 2016.  So
I guess we have a few chances for the world to end if the Mayans are wrong.
So, this Saturday will be a Pre-Anniversary Apocalypse Show of some sorts.
Haven't decided the details yet.
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